How to believe in yourself if no one else does. “No one believes in me No one believes and does not support

Alexey Shchedrin

Good evening! I'll start with the main thing - I lost interest in life. I am not interested in anything, I do not want to read or do anything. I'm at a dead end - I don't know what to do! It all started from childhood - my parents always considered me a little boy, once asking me to buy a moped, they convinced me that I would definitely crash on it or something else would happen. therefore, I never had a moped or a motorcycle, unlike my older brother. From here (I think so), from childhood, a fear of everything in the world developed, because my parents did everything for me, and now when I need to start adulthood, I can’t decide anything on my own, so no one believes in me, even before the most insignificant choice I think for a very long time and am afraid to make a final decision. Now everything has flared up with renewed vigor, the girl and I want to start living together (to rent an apartment), but I seem to pull myself together and then again these doubts, suddenly it doesn’t work out. I think that no one believes in me, and I honestly don’t believe in myself, I don’t know what to do anymore, how to gain self-confidence? I don't know how to live on! Help!

Hello, Alexey To gain confidence, it is important to first figure out where it "disappears", how it turns out that you do not believe in yourself. This request is suitable for a full-fledged psychotherapeutic work, and not for an online consultation. Find a good or psychotherapist in your city. Or are you against this option and want to manage on your own?

Alexey Shchedrin

Thank you for your answer Sergey Vitalievich! Of course, at first I want to try to cope on my own, and if it doesn’t work out, then I’ll take on more radical methods. The fact is that, as far as I remember, I never had confidence, others did everything for me - parents, friends, etc. if I take on something and it starts to fail, I quit and start to hope that it would be better if I didn’t start and everything would be as before, in disputes I can’t hold my point of view, I think to myself “why did I start this conversation? ", and just to get behind me, I start playing sports, running, a horizontal bar - enough for a week or two at the most and I quit ... I can't help myself. now I want to go to study - but I don’t even know where to start, how to prepare for the entrance exams, I don’t know who to ask either, so there is no confidence at the root that I will succeed. there is no one to tell me - my father drinks and often enough, so I don’t even try to speak like a man with him. I do not feel support, support, and this also adds fuel to the fire. in the fall of 2011 I wanted to change jobs, I talked to my mother because she is the closest person to me, she pulled our whole family for several years, so I respect her the most, so she convinced me that this job is not for me and I can’t do it better getting a little but getting what I'm going to knows where, although it was a well-known company and there were prospects. in the end, I came to the conclusion that I can’t make decisions, it’s easy to convince me, to convince me in just two words, I’m trusting and simple, and I myself understand that, but I have no idea how to change, where to start ...

Hello, the whole life is wrong from the very beginning. I am unlucky and my genes are bad. I seemed to grow up as a normal full-fledged child, albeit a very modest one, but still, I can say that I had a happy childhood until the age of 9, which most people don’t have these days. But then, everything changed. Accident. No, everything is fine with me and if I had got into another car that day, then there would have been no accident and deaths. Then everything went wrong, as it should, I thought it would only get better, but no. Then the divorce of my parents, stepfather, I was not paid attention from for him, then humiliation, self-flagellation. fears. when they quarreled and he kicked out my mother, of course I heard all this and cried, I feel sorry for my mother, her life is also not easy. that accident. I’m sure of it. Then personal dramas, which naturally affected my psyche. I graduated from school with a good certificate. I dreamed of becoming a designer, because I draw well, I didn’t get in, literally 10 points weren’t enough for the budget, at first my mother said do it, we’ll pay somehow , there is money on the book. Then he said that he won’t pull it, but my money is only enough for 2 years. , (better as a manager) this profession is not interesting to me, I never aspired to work at school for pennies. I hate children. I study with classmates who barely passed the exam. and now he says I entered and study ...... now they say something completely different. I thought in the summer to try again to enter the designer, but now I sit and understand that no one believes in me, no one supports me. I am completely broken. I'm probably the most ordinary person yet one grain of sand of the gray mass of society. from which I decided that I could become a good designer and then I could find a job for myself. I just draw well and no more .... I don’t have this core and will, there is no more aspiration either. I've lost interest in life. I'm 19 soon, and over the years I haven't achieved anything and can't remember anything. I don't have anything else young man and it wasn’t, and probably won’t be. everyone likes active girls. and I’m far from being a leader. I don’t want to celebrate this 19th birthday, I can’t find my place in life, everything is indifferent. and I don’t know how to have fun. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I can’t change, but I don’t need myself like that. I know here they write about problems and worse, but everyone is unhappy in their own way. I don’t need it, I don’t even have a goal in life. I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want to live anymore ...
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melancholic, age: almost 19 / 02/03/2014

Responses:

Dear, in Orthodoxy, many of your character traits are virtues. About the meaning of life - it is in eternity. And the meaning of activity is to love your work and do it well. If you do not find the meaning of life, then the meaning of activity will also soon become uninteresting: this is usually the case with everyone. And by the way, there was a man in the history of mankind: the wisest, smartest, happiest by all earthly standards ... but he also said: "vanity of vanities and worldly pride" ... It was Solomon. And I myself was in search, and now I can say: the meaning of life is only in God. For not only a certain goal is important - but every day, and even more - every thought ... Such awareness of being and navigation on the right path comes in Orthodoxy: since this is a system of more than thousand years of knowledge ... The most beautiful people are famous for their Orthodox faith - and even by this one can judge how fertile this soil is ...
I wish you to find the main thing first - faith, and then everything in life will improve, even external ... There will be no stress, situations incomprehensible to the heart and mind ...
You can usually transfer to an institute - the first courses study subjects in the community. Find out all the information about the Faculty of Design, write down, ask if you have any questions about the translation ... Find out in other universities. But of course - this is not an end in itself. To replenish your horizons, you should watch the right film on the website. Save, Lord.

Leah, age: 02/23/2014

A simple test helps you find your true profession. Ask yourself, what kind of job would you work even for free if you weren't paid for it?

Sonya, age: 33 / 02/03/2014

I think you need to have another serious talk with your mother. Ask her if she likes her job. If she says yes, then say that you are no longer interested in the work of a teacher, but in the future you also want to enjoy your work. If not, then why do you repeat her experience. I think you should not miss the chance to go to the budget, because it is possible that later you will regret the missed opportunity if you cannot find Good work. If you don't, then it's another matter. But you will know that you have tried. Trying to persuade your mother is also your opportunity, which should not be missed. If she does not allow, then study calmly as a teacher. It is not at all necessary to work in your specialty. Do not go against your mother's will in any case. She is a close person who needs to be protected and cherished. good relations.

Olga, age: 02/28/2014

I turned 19 last week. I'm a design student, enrolled this year. I draw worse than anyone in the group. I barely have time, before the session I sleep for an hour a day, I look at my hands, then at work, and I want to break everything. Everything I do is not pretty. I don't have divine talent, all I have is extra seats in front of the easel until then. until I passed out to get those 10 points. Finally I succeeded, but as I said, it is insanely difficult to study. I always liked to draw for myself - images from my head, some characters, plots from literature. Everything is more difficult at the institute, you have to draw through what you don’t want, what you don’t like. I always wanted and will want to draw for myself, to work as an illustrator, but I understand that I need to learn to endure these years. And it looks like you didn't get it right the first time. Depression, self-loathing, self-blame. It will pass. It will pass, you have to try and get back on your feet - pass the exams again. And, baby, why do you think that if you study to be a teacher, you won't be able to draw? People's misconceptions are that they see the profession (if in their specialty) as the messiah in life - so you learned to be something, and that's it. This is NOT a label. You can ALWAYS be a designer. To try one more time. After 4 years of teaching as a teacher, go to courses (where they teach the same as for 4 years at the institute, only faster and in a narrow specialty that you like). You can google art titorial and draw by yourself. I learned the basics of Photoshop without help, I sat at night and during the day to remember everything, but most of the steps are with the help of a poke. Just come home from university, surround yourself with your favorite things: series, favorite literature, films, friends in life or by correspondence, and draw something in a notebook. I can name you a lot of designers who studied on their own, who, just like you, did not go where they wanted, but somehow got out, trained. Sit, draw, study a lot of pages on the Internet, there are wonderful tutorials. And try again to do what MORE people do than you think. Half fail the first time.
I'm also mediocre (the worst in the group), but I just do it for myself - I keep painting. Works that many people do in 15 minutes - it can take me two weeks. But the result is the same and I'm very tired yes-but the result is the same and I am calm. Someone has more time to enter, someone has less. People do not enter, go to work, go to courses again, and try to enter again. This will always be the case. I constantly humiliate myself for bad successes - I want to be higher, stronger, better, but these states pass and go. The main thing when they leave is to squeeze all the strength out of yourself to achieve strength. All.

Why do you think that social relationships like "I'm his girlfriend" will help you get rid of fears and self-flagellation? Young people can cheat, or want to date out of appearance, if there is a good one, it’s good, but if there isn’t one, don’t even dare to measure your significance in narrow sphere"I'm not a match for anyone." You're NOT THE COMPLETE GUYS, not a pair of shoes.

Mm, like I said at the beginning. I celebrated my 19th birthday last week. I have no friends, I ate sweets at home and went about my business. If you want to celebrate, you can always celebrate, but don't get hung up on the idea. That is, mark or do not mark. There is no third option. The point is whether you want a holiday for yourself. and not that at 19 you have achieved nothing.
It's never too late to reach. Surround yourself good people, pleasant little things. Just keep moving forward and you'll be fine.

Vika, age: 02/19/2014

Parents say correctly, act as a designer, and study as a teacher in absentia. You will receive two degrees. Teachers are not bad now, there is an opportunity to earn extra money as a tutor. Now I want to get a second higher pedagogical degree, before that I studied as an engineer, they didn’t take on an architect, I draw badly. You are now upset by unfulfilled dreams, hence the self-flagellation and bad thoughts in your head. If you want to be a designer, go for it. Nobody lives for you. Choose and act. Good luck.

Alla, age: 25 / 02/04/2014

From my own experience I can say that when you decide on your favorite thing, all life goes smoothly. I entered a good art academy. artful, but realizing that I was a musician, I tried twice to enter a mediocre muses. academy - refused. Engaged in private, now I continue myself. When I began to do what I love, I turned from a depressive anti-social being into a friendly, self-confident girl, opened to other areas of life, such as beauty, style, health, life, etc. - this all happened after 23 years.
As for dropping out of school, then it's up to you. If you feel really bad there, then I would advise you not to suffer. It is worth making a table for and against - it helps a lot. Ask yourself if you will regret not studying. Ask what you will do if you quit. You are very young, and you may well choose a different path. Looks like something needs to be changed anyway.
*environment is very important, at least therefore I recommend at least to find some interesting circle, or a place where you could somehow realize yourself, and where people would motivate you and not vice versa.
Or maybe you can try to enroll in design again in parallel with your studies?
Good luck!:)

Liza, age: 04/24/2014

Please, help!!! Nobody believes in me. I am in the 11th grade and I want to enter the elite after school
Moscow university. But my parents are against it, they think that I am not very smart and tell me about it, they want me to
I applied for an economist, although I am not interested in economics, and they know about it. They don't understand me and
yell at me for every word I say. Last year in our school, one of the best in the city, a lot of people
flunked the exam. They were deprived of their bonus, and this month they sent a check from Moscow. They began to break into
students, especially 11th-graders, they blame us in the classroom, because of this I am afraid for my silver medal,
which I am applying for. I'm not very pretty, I don't have a boyfriend. I like my classmate. He enters
a group of "popular guys" and he recently turned 18. Of course, he doesn't even pay attention to such
a kid and a nerd like me. I don't have friends because my classmates talk about me behind my back.
nasty things. I hate my life! Please do not ignore my letter!!! Advise me what to do.
Rate:

Amelia W., age: 12/15/2012

Amelia, your letter looks like a real cry for help....only this cry is not necessarily heard by someone
other than you! At the beginning of the message you write that no one believes in you..... but do you believe in yourself???
Do your classmates talk behind your back and that's why you don't have any friends? Nonsense! Friends don't just come from
out of nowhere! Do you absolutely need friends from the class? Or maybe try to find them elsewhere! To begin
smile more than you are expected to!
No boyfriend is not a problem at all. Do you know how many girls don't have boyfriends? This is not the cause of your troubles!
Are you not very beautiful? But this nonsense who beat in your head? Those classmates who speak for you
back?
If you hate life, change it! not tomorrow, not from Monday, but right now!
I'll be glad to help if needed.

Rio, age: 25/11.12.2012

Dear girl, at your age everything you describe is quite typical. You are not alone. Problems with
parents, doubts about the choice life path, problems with peers, the first painful love -
we've all gone through this. And all this, too, will certainly be resolved and will pass.
You don't need to worry too much. Let go of the situation. Study, try to pass the exam well. When on
there will be numbers in your hands - decide what to do, enter Moscow or choose something at home. Remember that your
your parents love you very much. Whether you have a silver medal or not - it will not affect anything in life. Even with
admission to the university, by and large, it will not play any role. About the boy - try to work on yourself,
to please him. Always smile, radiate the attraction of charm, become a "magnet" to which everyone
stretch.
Don't be discouraged, I believe in you.

Ivan, age: 26/12/12/2012

You are smart. That says it all. Use the power of the intellect. Confidence will come with age.

Zhenya, age: 25 / 14.02.2013

I live in small town. She grew up in a poor, large family. Nobody ever believed in me either. Especially parents. They kept repeating: everywhere they do it by pull, you can also get a job through pull, sit at one job, otherwise you won’t find another. And when I said that my dream was to visit Paris, both my parents and friends frankly laughed at me. In the beginning, just like you, you were upset and angry at your parents. And then I decided that to spite them I would do everything and prove that I can do anything. As a result, I myself entered a prestigious university in our city on the exam, in the 5th year I got a job in my specialty without connections, I myself changed several organizations, and as a result I work in a very large organization with a good salary. And I have been abroad many times, including in Paris. And now everyone believes in me and no one doubts me, because I have already shown everyone that IF I WANT THAT, IT WILL BE SO! Therefore, Amelia, the main thing is to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and THEN THE OTHERS WILL BELIEVE IN YOU! You are smart, that you study well and have goals in life. Do not despair, time will pass and you will become confident and beautiful girl!

Sarah, age: 27 / 06/03/2013

Nobody believes in me either. No one even cares about my problems.
With parents - one to one. Well, it's pretty simple. Same situation.
Every time I see who I am and what I am, rage awakens in me. I learned how to say it... how to transform it into an evil desire to win everywhere. There are promotions. People notice that something is wrong... It seems that the guy was an ordinary shadow... but it turns out that's what he is.
In short, what is worth seeing the eyes of mildly surprised old acquaintances when they see changes in you, in your thinking, your successes and achievements.
Remember all the troubles, all the bad moments, collect all the anger in yourself and direct it to success. And most importantly - never tell anyone about your plans and do not grab, just do it silently and casually, as if by chance, demonstrate your success. You will see the reaction and you will like it. Everything will collapse from this. Your classmate is handsome, your parents and every mouse that said something about you behind your back.
I wish you to be strong. Don't give up and don't whine about anything. Don't complain to anyone. Be strong. Good luck!

I think it's the smartest. pfft, age: you're the same / 02/13/2014

Of course, most great people had someone behind their backs. But that doesn't mean they won't believe in you. It is important only at the first stage to achieve a result that will be noticeable to others, and then everyone will appreciate and begin to support. Go to the goal confidently and clearly, and everything will definitely work out.

How to start believing in yourself

Only that faith helps, which is based on real facts. You can properly assess yourself only when you have real achievements, knowledge or skills. Just believing is not enough, you need to be able to do something. Therefore, choose the area where you will develop, and start improving yourself. Read books, watch trainings and seminars, practice something. And at some point you will become an expert in this field. It is the understanding that you are well versed that will give you strong faith. Of course, the process will take some time, but it is important that it happens.

Start reading books with success stories. This helps a lot to strengthen your position. You will learn how others went to the goal, how they made efforts. These publications contain many useful tips that can be applied in practice. And understanding that someone else has succeeded will help you to walk this path too.

Stop looking for flaws in yourself. There are no perfect people, everyone has weak sides. But you need to develop virtues, make them brighter and more in demand, and not think about what doesn’t work out. Someone knows how to speak in public, someone is well versed in technology, someone manages to create beauty with his hands. You do not need to be a master in all directions, it is only important to master perfectly one thing that brings pleasure and works best.

Interaction with others

If people don't believe in you, it's based on something. First you need to listen, why do they think that you will not succeed? Perhaps you devote little time to self-education, some do not know how to complete what they started, someone lacks perseverance, and so on. Listen to what others have to say and change what's holding you back. Take criticism calmly, draw the right conclusions and move forward.

When the lessons are learned, there is no need to continue to share plans. This will cause even more condemnation, criticism and claims. Just take steps towards your success, and do not tell the environment about it. Try to reduce communication with those who distract you, who prevent you from being realized. It is better to spend more time in practice on the way to the goal than with friends who do not want anything.

Find someone who is just as passionate as you are. The Internet allows you to create circles of interest, and someone in the world is doing something that is very close to your goals. Communicate, share experience and achievements. Such friends give inspiration, you can even unite with them and move forward together.