Studying drives many into despondency, but every year the problem of reluctance to attend school becomes more and more aggravated. Even first-graders, who 10 years ago were waiting for the lessons to begin, today completely refuse to attend school. In the middle classes, students go to classes without enthusiasm, and high school students are horrified by the word USE. Every child, as they grow up, has their own reasons for not liking school. Ways to overcome this problem are different and depend on age, character, and some other features, which we will discuss in the article.
Because of what this happens, as well as consultations of psychologists, read in this material.
origins unwillingness to learn
Psychologists advise first to figure out why the child does not want to study, and then only act. It is necessary to observe the student and his behavior, to discuss the situation in a warm and friendly manner. Accusations and swearing will not help here - adults need to be clearly aware that their goal is to motivate the child to study actively, and not throw out their righteous anger. Therefore, first we understand the origins of a negative attitude towards learning, and only then we look for ways to solve the difficulties that have arisen.
What to do if the child does not want to go to school
The reasons, :
- Peculiarities of children's temperament.
- Soreness.
- Hyperactivity.
- Lack of motivation.
- Difficulties in communicating with other students or teachers, conflicts.
- Family problems.
- Lack of self-esteem.
- Insufficient level of responsibility.
- Smart but lazy at the same time.
- Strong attachment to entertainment, gadgets, games.
What to do ,
To finallyunderstand the origins of the lack of desire to learn, consider each of the reasons in more detail and find ways to overcome this problem. Remember that only constructive methods of overcoming difficulties with study can help - scolding children is useless.
children do not want to go to school due to lack of motivation 1 reason is temperament
Psychologists have long distinguished 4 types of temperament:
- Choleric - active, intolerant and nervous, easily excitable.
- Sanguine is sociable and lively, but at the same time assiduous and efficient.
- Phlegmatic - balanced and calm, easily copes with any difficulties.
- Melancholic - vulnerable and touchy children, prone to stress and easily get tired.
Of these four children's types of temperament, learning is most difficult for melancholic and choleric people, since it is these guys who are the most emotional. The easiest way to gain knowledge is given to sanguine and phlegmatic people. If schoolchildren with a strong nervous system have difficulties with their studies, then we must continue to look for the root of the problem.
What to do , if the child does not want to study, having a choleric or melancholic temperament:
- Melancholy.
Melancholy children study much harder than any other children. They take the slightest setbacks or conflicts with teachers and fellow practitioners to heart. Melancholic people get tired very quickly, both physically and mentally.
Such a child needs to take breaks to rest and restore the body and psyche. Try to match the pace of study and homework so that the load increases gradually. So your young student will get used to large volumes of tasks more easily and his self-esteem will grow, which is important for melancholic children.
- Cholerics.
It would seem that choleric people are very different from guys with a melancholic temperament. But they both have learning difficulties. In the case of choleric children, the difficulty lies in the lack of patience and the rapid fading of interest. The parents of such a student face a difficult task - to learn how to dose his classes in such a way as to constantly maintain interest in learning. Vary tasks, for example, 30 minutes of reading homework, 30 minutes of math. Let your choleric person rest, let him play or even watch TV between homework assignments.
the child does not want to study - it is worth discussing this problem 2 reason, - soreness
Children who have some kind of health problems often miss classes. Because of this, many topics remain misunderstood, and catching up on missed material is not so easy. In addition, a student may begin to cheat and say that he allegedly has something in pain in order to miss classes again. Teachers often go to meet such students and give positive marks without relevant knowledge.
Such children should be gently attracted to study, not scolded, no doubt that they really feel bad.
3 reason, – hyperactivity
Syndrome of motor activity and lack of attention (ADHD) or hyperactivity is a disease of the nervous system that needs to be corrected by a neurologist. This does not mean that students with hyperactivity and ADHD should not attend a comprehensive school - it is possible and necessary, because their intelligence is not affected.
child does not want to study 4 reason, - lack of motivationto knowledge
The presentation of educational material by different teachers can differ markedly. Some teacher can interest any student in his subject, and in the lessons of another teacher, you want to yawn.
In this case, it is necessary to interest the student, explain why this or that subject is necessary and how this or that subject can be useful. Help your offspring understand what he wants to be after graduation and what to do, then the motivation and interest in learning will appear by itself.
5th reason - conflict situations
Difficulty communicating with other students negative attitude happens very often to some teachers. MaleIt is still difficult for a new person to focus on the main thing - studying, instead of solving and experiencing conflicts. Problems in communication with other students or even with teachers take all the time and effort.
Parents in such a situation should help to improve school relations, and to do this, find out the cause of the conflicts. Only by solving the problem with the interpersonal relationships of your child, you can move on to the main thing - to interest in learning.
Schoolchildren do not yet know how to separate the personality of the teacher and the subject itself. If the teacher did not find an approach to the students of the class, then no one likes to teach lessons in this subject. As in the case of a lack of motivation for learning, psychologists advise trying to interest the student, explaining how interesting and necessary this subject is. It is easier to do this closer to graduation classes - by explaining to your child the need to receive a quality education and having completed career guidance at school.
6 reason, - difficulties in the family
Psychologists believe that the negative in the family negatively affects the development of any little person. Both health and psyche with mental activity suffer.
If there is discord in the family, try not to interfere with your offspring in negative situations, protect him from quarrels and showdowns between spouses.
the child does not want to study - conflicts 7 reason, - lack of self-esteem
This is one of the most common reasons. Life forces parents to set global and difficult goals for their child. And when the baby does not succeed, mom and dad reproach him for this, showing their disappointment in him. Almost every parent said to their children such words as: “And the son of aunt-Masha is a medalist, and you are my three-year-old!”, “Neighbor Sveta does an excellent job of studying, and goes to ballet, but you can’t even do simple things!” .
Parents in this way just want to spur their offspring to conquer new heights, but the effect is the opposite. The schoolboy thinks that he can’t keep up with the medalist ballerina, which means there’s nothing to try.
8 reason, – insufficient level of responsibility
From early childhood, parents take care of the baby, control his every action - and this is right at an early stage of development. But the older the child becomes, the more he needs to be given freedom and the opportunity to make decisions independently.
If mom or dad collects a schoolbag for a student, completely controls the daily routine and homework, this is not right. The son or daughter of such parents does not learn to make decisions on their own, always relying on someone else. Why think to decide everything on his own, if his parents will do it for him?
Parental control is necessary, but up to a certain limit. If you go too far, then instead of a responsible, motivated student, there is a high risk of getting a lazy person without initiative.
Reason 9 - smart but lazy
There are children who find learning very easy. It is enough for them to flip through the textbook to understand the subject. But the catch is that such a student becomes uninteresting in listening to the teacher and completing assignments. As a result, the grades leave much to be desired, and in the worst case, the student misses new topics, the material on which is then difficult to understand on his own.
10 reason, – addiction to games, entertainment, gadgets
All sorts of addictions are the scourge of our time. Available entertainment in the form of a computer and a phone has become too much to avoid this. Yes school lessons increasingly become associated with computer technology.
In this case, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between the time for study and the time for rest. It is worth concluding an agreement with the student that he will be allowed to play on the computer only after completing his homework.
What to do if the child does not want to study – general recommendations and advice from psychologists depending on the age of the children
why the child does not want to go to elementary school What to do if the child does not want to study in primary school
The most common reasons why babies refuse to walk primary school- this is an unwillingness to wake up early, do homework, fear of a formidable teacher. Also, a new children's team can inspire fear.
- At the very beginning of training, do with the baby as when adapting to kindergarten - put your general photo in his portfolio, allow him to take his favorite toy to play with it during breaks.
- Meet the teacher in advance and watch cartoons and books about the student's daily routine. Let the young student know what awaits him during the lessons.
- Rehearse school preparations and lessons through the game. As tasks for such training, you can give real tasks in copybooks or in the primer. During the game, change roles - let the baby be a teacher, command and draw red paste in the copybook - this will reduce the fear of bad grades and the teacher.
- No need to scold a first grader for bad grades. It is better to network together and try to parse the mistakes, show the correct solutions to the tasks.
- As an encouragement, at the end of the school week, you can go with the student to entertainment events - to the cinema or Entertainment Center for babies. In older grades, you can also encourage a student, but for good grades, and not just for attending classes.
What to do if the child does not want to study in middle school
Opinion psychologists about the unwillingness to study children aged nine to twelve years is reduced to the presence of conflict situations with teachers or classmates. At this age, the child is still highly dependent on the opinions of others, but already shows his own "I" and character.
First of all, you need to talk with the student and find out whether we are talking about the conflict situation. Separately, it is worth discussing this situation with the teacher, find out his point of view and get recommendations on how to solve the problem. A teacher can be an excellent assistant in education, because he has a giant practical experience building relationships with a variety of students.
Try to protect your offspring from domestic conflicts. Any person, especially a small one, should have confidence that parents will always understand, help and support, no matter what happens.
Do not forget about rewards for good studies - no one has canceled the carrot and stick method, but very often parents forget about rewards when punishments do not keep you waiting.
Those problems with socialization, which seem ridiculous and stupid to you, are extremely important for young schoolchildren. Parents should in no way mock and devalue the experiences of their child.
What to do if the child does not want to study in adolescence after 12 years
Although in at this age, interpersonal communication problems with peers become most acute, psychologists identify another main reason for the lack of desire to learn - meaningless and uninteresting subjects.
Between the ages of 13 and 17, students are determined with future profession and getting an education. They additionally study in the areas necessary in the future, parents pay for tutors. Therefore, those subjects that will not be useful to them in life and, most importantly, when entering secondary or higher educational institution, turn out to be unnecessary and uninteresting.
But at this age it is already possible to explain to children why they need study and non-core subjects. A teenager is able to realize that without a broad outlook, which gives the study of all school subjects, it is difficult to succeed in life. In addition, everything in life can change dramatically several times, and then lessons that are not interesting now will come in handy.
Do not forget about the proper stimulation of interest in learning. Reward your child for good grades - this method works great.
Results
Unfortunately, modern system education is built in such a way that the main share of the difficulties in learning and overcoming them falls on the shoulders of the parents. If not you, then no one will explain to your offspring the need for a decent education. No one but you will be interested in his studies.
Quite a few appeals of students, schoolchildren and their parents to psychologists consist of questions: “What should I do if I don’t want to study?” or “How to motivate a child to study and stimulate his desire for knowledge?”. What prevents you from striving for knowledge - ordinary laziness or reasons lie deeper? And how to change the situation?
What if I don't want to study?
Why don't we want to learn?
First-graders go to school with burning eyes and a desire to communicate and absorb information. Already by the second grade, the situation changes - the feeling of novelty disappears, study loads increase, and the thirst for knowledge weakens. With each academic year, the desire to study is less and less.
Reasons for this:
- inadequate behavior of parents - high expectations, overprotection and complete suppression of independence or, conversely, permissiveness;
- Difficulties in relationships with classmates or classmates;
- conflicts with teachers due to non-compliance with their requirements, rejection of teaching style or professional incompetence;
- love experiences;
- academic failure due to absenteeism and accumulated gaps in knowledge;
- unwillingness to waste time on uninteresting or non-core (unnecessary when entering a university or future work) items;
- excessive mental and physical stress during exams or when combining study with part-time work or additional classes in courses, in sports or creative sections.
Revealed the "root of evil"? Now it will be easier to find an incentive to study.
What to do if you don't want to study
Interest in learning is stimulated by:
- focus on favorite subjects, success in them;
- support of parents and friends, encouragement of educational achievements;
- setting new goals and achieving them: for example, the implementation educational project or participation and victory in a cognitive competition.
Temporary learning apathy due to learning overload is "treated":
- revision of the schedule of classes and the cancellation of some of them - there should be at least 8 hours for sleep and 2 hours of free time;
- observance of the daily routine and doing homework at the same time, in complete silence or to soft music;
- proper organization of the workplace - everything you need for study is at hand and nothing distracts;
- alternation of mental and physical labor;
- obligatory daily walks - at least an hour;
- enriching the menu with fruits, vegetables, nuts, fish and lean meats to boost energy and “feed” the brain;
- change of scenery - sometimes you need 1 day a week just to relax and unwind.
Classes with a tutor or friend who has mastered the topic well will help to eliminate gaps in knowledge.
Hello reader! I think that every student will agree with me if I state with confidence that thoughts like: “I don’t want to study at a university: what should I do?” visited quite often, especially during the session. Of course, someone can say that this is a fundamentally wrong approach to learning and complete irresponsibility, but every student has the right to the blues, and not necessarily a higher educational institution.
Any student has the right to "weakness", but you should not dwell on such decadent thoughts for a long time, otherwise they will become an obsession.
If you, the reader, paid attention to this publication, it means that not everything is lost, and the desire to return the goal of becoming a graduate is still present, albeit remotely.
So why not look for a way out of this situation together, because, as you know: "One head is good, but two is much better."
Causes of apathy to study
Before taking any drastic action in your future student life, it is important to understand what is the cause of such depression. It is possible that by finding "root of evil", the mood will noticeably improve, and the desire to continue studying will return again and will not leave for a long time.
From my own experience, I will say that I had such a blues on every course, and each time the reason was the most unexpected. Having systematized my memories and studied the stories of the students I know, I can safely talk about the reasons for not wanting to continue my studies. As a rule, they are trivial and do not require deep philosophical knowledge.
1. Broken heart.
For the most part, student love is an integral part of the educational process, it’s not in vain that they say that the university stands for “get married successfully” (and this truth also applies to men). So that's why young people get to know each other, communicate, start touching romantic relationships and cannot imagine their future life without each other, they make joint plans for the future. When these plans break into everyday life, separation from your soulmate ends not only with the desire to leave the university, but also with the unwillingness to live.
2. Feeling of supreme injustice.
Many modern students do not perceive the leadership of the teacher, trying at all lectures and practical exercises prove you are right. However, sometimes the "teachers", being tough nuts, are able to put the upstart and insolent in their place, and they do it publicly. Such a blow to self-esteem provokes depression and blues, and the desire to learn further disappears altogether.
3. Financial stability.
Today, many students skillfully combine work and study, and when the latter brings stability and financial independence, the meaning of the precious "crust" is completely lost. Another question arises: “Why do I need this study when I already know my future specialty and have a specific job”?
4. Session.
Before passing exams, the increased mental load takes all the strength, and the student, looking at the mountains of reference literature, only has a desire to sleep and never go to university again. As a rule, this is a temporary phenomenon, and after passing the exam it seems that you are ready to move mountains. Such depression occurs more often on the eve and during the winter session, because in this "cold season" of the year, the "hormone of happiness" prevails in deficit.
5. Mediocre study.
If a student does not enjoy the educational process, and goes to the university only for the sake of the “crust” and the peace of mind of his parents, then the desire to quit his studies visits him almost every morning, when the alarm clock makes him get out of bed and interrupts his sweet dream.
So now it is quite obvious what drives a student when he suddenly loses the meaning of his future studies. If it is temporary, then there is no cause for concern; but, when such “suicidal thoughts” visit almost every day, it builds to become alarmed and reconsider its usual student life.
The power of motivation
Each student can independently get out of this feeling of apathy, or timely use the help of relatives and friends. For example, a warm conversation with friends helped me, but someone is more like a full sleep and a change of scenery. Whatever a student does and does not undertake, he should not drop out of school.
This is where we need to remember the motivation that brought him to these university walls a few years ago. It is important to refresh in memory those values that were invested in the head upon admission, as well as those goals that were set in the first year.
Is it possible that primitive melancholy can disrupt the usual routine of life and cross out all future careers and prospects?
How to get back the love of learning?
I often asked myself this question, but I realized that giving someone advice is stupid, because each student chooses for himself the way out of their depression. A person is, first of all, an individual, therefore, what affects some does not help others.
But I still decided to push the students lost in themselves onto a certain path of truth, and give them a unique opportunity to still get a diploma of higher education. So do not, reader, ignore these tips.
1. If a student feels that his head is boiling from new knowledge received in unlimited quantities, it's time to tell yourself "stop" until the allergy to study appeared. It is recommended to take a break, relax, and then plunge into the world of science and reference literature with renewed vigor and a fresh head. Such small breaks allow you to forget about your studies for a while, which means that one day they will not cause apathy and even a feeling of deep disgust for it.
2. When the feeling of "sweetness" from studying appears, it's time to change of scenery, and spend the weekend not with notes, but with friends or in nature, for example. Such changes in the usual routine allow you to escape from the walls of the university and dull objects, but the memories of a pleasantly spent time will then inspire the most unexpected actions for a long time to come. Among them, the desire to get a red diploma or pass the session only with excellent grades.
3. Set yourself a new goal. This is necessary so that studying does not cause boredom, but, on the contrary, is a “stimulator” of excitement and the desire to learn something new. So why not offer the teacher to organize another scientific project in order to show himself and not die of boredom?
Such salvation from the blues helps to find a new incentive for excellent students, but mediocre students, on the contrary, can lead to a feeling of deep depression and noticeably worsen academic performance. So what to use this method recommended only if you are confident in your mental abilities.
4. It helps many students to return the desire to study, oddly enough, love. Indeed, this bright feeling inspires and inspires to exploits, so you immediately want to live, create and gain new knowledge in your specialty. So why not combine business with pleasure, especially since there is very little time left to study - a maximum of five years.
5. You can always change your choice. If a student suddenly realized that he had chosen the wrong specialty, then you should not torment yourself with meaningless lectures and knowledge that in life will only bring blues and complete disappointment.
You need to understand yourself, and then take a fateful step in favor of future self-realization and change the wrongly chosen specialty. Do not think that this is impossible, because real miracles can happen in universities, you just need to go to the dean's office and find the main magician.
So now it is obvious that everything is not as bad as it might seem at first glance. The main thing is to find for yourself the way out that will allow you to remember why this long journey of five (maximum six) years was started.
If one fine day the desire to study at a university has disappeared, then you should not “chop off your shoulder”, but for a start it is desirable to understand yourself. To do this, go on sick leave, get enough sleep and change the situation, airing your thoughts. Decisions should be taken only consciously and on a bright head, since a momentary weakness can become a fatal mistake in fate.
In addition, it does not hurt to consult with older comrades who have experienced such a depressive situation more than once during the educational process. Perhaps not everything is so bad, but the experience of the “experienced” will definitely help you get back on track.
You can also discuss your problem with the curator, since it is this person who cares about your fate.
As a rule, competent teachers not only read their subject excellently, but are also subtle psychologists. This is exactly what you should use, the main thing is to choose a convenient time for a conversation.
And the last thing: it doesn’t hurt to visit caring parents about your blues, perhaps they will give good advice and help you find a way out of the current situation. unpleasant situation. If the thought: “I don’t want to study: what should I do?” does not leave, it is possible that it is time to change something in your life.
However, before taking drastic measures, it is worth paying attention to all the above recommendations and, for your peace of mind, test them in practice.
What if it helps?
But on the other hand: isn't it time to think about the meaning of life, maybe these are all signs of fate? Or maybe radical changes are coming in your life? And, nevertheless, my advice: "You should not become a fatalist, and do not quit your studies in any case."
Conclusion: In this article, you learned about what to do if you don't want to go to college. We wish you to stop moping, pull yourself together and forward, for new successes and victories!
P.S. How do you deal with the fact that sometimes you don't want to study? Share your secrets.
P.P.S. Happy student's day, dear reader, because today is January 25! (article published on January 25, 2014)
Complaining and pleading: “We have a boy, a good one, but we don’t know how to make him study…”. Desperately: “My son is 17, he dropped out of school, he doesn’t want anything, help!”. Panic: “When my son says that he won’t go to school today, everything inside me turns cold and starts to feel sick. I am terrified". And it’s completely wild: “Katerina, here is a list of requests from teachers for your webinar: “How to get children interested in a subject that they will not take? How to motivate teenagers to study, they don't need anything? How to instill in children that a lot depends on learning? And again and again: “How to get children to do what they are not interested in, do not need, is taught boringly and is associated with continuous humiliation?”
Well, I know a couple of ways, take your pick.
If "cheap and cheerful"
then everything is very simple: you need to intimidate. It is advisable to start from early childhood: humiliate, constantly compare not in his favor, punish for the slightest mistake, constantly remind that no one is interested in his opinion, and in case of failure to complete the lessons, predict the career of a janitor. What am I telling you, you yourself know all this very well! After all, this is what you yourself still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. However, your nightmares do not always save your children from such "motivation".
Ruzanna, a young, beautiful woman, cries at the reception: “I understand everything! That it’s impossible with children, that, most likely, I cripple him, but I can’t help myself. Every evening I sit down with him to do homework, and bring myself and him to tears, to sobs. I'm so scared! He is only 7 years old, he is small! And the teacher says that homework can not be done. But as soon as I see the diary, and there is a red entry in it “No homework!”, I immediately hear my mother’s voice: “Bring the belt!”, And that’s it ... I don’t remember anything, nothing from school, neither what passed, nor friends, only the screams of the teacher and this is my mother, about the belt. Ruzanna was never able to get higher education, before the exams, she was covered with such a panic that sometimes she had to call an ambulance, she works as a manicurist. But she definitely didn’t need to be motivated!
And now about the expensive and long way.
First, you have to deal with your own anxiety and guilt. Ideally, this should be done before the birth of children, but I understand that we live in the real world, and not on a cloud, so we will proceed from the fact that we already have a "difficult" teenager. However, even now it is not too late. Let's start with a simple question: "What do you see as your parental duty?". For a child to have everything? A box full of pleasant, kind, joyful childhood memories that you didn't have? Stop.
You know, for some reason, people who had a really happy childhood - calm, without drama and serious injuries, sane and passionate about their lives - these people are usually not very zealous about how to satisfy all the desires of the child.
They have confidence that this rather unpretentious life with a minimum of entertainment and gifts is good. Well, you know, when they go to the theater a couple of times during the season, they buy clothes when they are out of use (and not out of fashion!) Old, and everyone is busy with study and work. And not because “you can’t get anywhere”, or it will bring some incredible dividends in the future, but because it’s interesting and great to learn new things, strain your strength, and benefit people.
Looks like this is where the main fork is. You asked how to motivate?
You see, what's the matter - when a child is really interested, he is not only motivated, he has to be pulled away from the subject of studies.
My parents hid books from me. From my youngest daughter, I have to literally lock the guitar, it’s a pity that you can’t lock the piano. And if you take away all the pencils, felt-tip pens and pens, she will draw on the misted window pane. 'Cause it's sewn into the very first, deepest layer human psyche: the desire to create.
And what do we see in the modern school?
Sit, be silent, do not open your mouth until you are asked. A set of chaotic information torn off from life (both internal and external), which must be remembered, without understanding, and given back like vomiting.
They (this knowledge) are not assimilated in the literal sense, and cannot be assimilated, because there is no request and there is no digestible form.
Well, as if you were offering a nursing baby to eat young shoots of gorse with the reason that, behold, lambs chew - and it’s normal. Conclusion: if you haven’t found a teacher who can make you fall in love with your subject, look for enthusiasts outside the school walls. It's rare, but there are. Well, or harness yourself. I know one father of many children who, after all, carved out money from the non-dimensional family budget for the trip of his eight-year-old daughter to France, “so that Anya understands - French exists not only to torment little girls with it.
I hear objections - you will not be interested in all subjects! No teachers from capital letter“U”, neither enthusiasm nor money is enough. Agree! But honestly, why do you need a child to be an excellent student?
And if he doesn’t want anything, nothing, well, from the word “absolutely”? If all his interests are in the virtual world of games and social networks? And look how these children live. They are almost never alone anywhere, they have no everyday problems, and skills too, all their needs are fulfilled right there, instantly, you don’t even have to ask loudly, just hint.
“Sometimes I don’t even have time to finish. I’ll start something like “But there is such a camp ...” - and that’s all, they have already taken off, as if on a whistle, they ran to dig the Internet, look for the best, choose, buy. And they shine: is it true, we are great? Are you happy? No, damn it, I'm not happy! I wanted to TALK about what kind of camps there are, what is good about them, what I should choose ... And I was not going to go anywhere this year! Or rather, I was going to, but with a friend, and he goes to cheap ones, from social security, but who will let me go there ... So he stopped stuttering about something at all, well, they are dearer to himself. In addition, they buy me things, but it’s still impossible to use them, it’s dangerous.” This is one of my 15 year old clients about his parents. They brought him with the same complaint: he wants nothing, and it's time to choose a profile and specialty.
This is where the root of the problem seems to be.
Anxiety and guilt make parents rush to fulfill the wishes of their children, without even asking what exactly the child wants now.
It always seems to us, former Soviet pioneers, that we have not given something to the child, should he be happy? And why is he sad, or irritated, or frowning and not talking? As if a person has no right to be unhappy. I ask such hyper-responsible people: how are you? Are you always cheerful and happy? No, they answer, of course not, business, care, sometimes in the evening you don’t feel your legs, what happiness there is. “And when do you feel good?”, - I continue the conversation. The answers, in general, are predictable: when nothing needs to be done, but the children are under control. That is, when it’s my fault (“Did you do your homework? Did you wash the dishes? Did you sew on a collar for tomorrow?” - your mother’s voice behind your back, and you cringe all over and quickly babble “Yes, mommy!”, Just not to get hit) soothed by weariness, and anxiety soothed by a visible presence: all at home, safe.
I will draw your special attention to the fact that usually the question “how to motivate” is asked by energetic and restless mothers about lethargic, apathetic, turned off sons. It’s just that these mothers are trying to give their sons what they themselves needed in a difficult time of growing up: support and resource. Forgetting that boys need something completely different: challenge and reward for victory. Next time I will write in detail how to treat boys and girls separately. In the meantime, I will say that a growing man needs faith in his strength and admiration. Mothers sincerely think that they are helping their son to do right choice when they bring him ready-made printouts with the ratings of five universities, and he sees and hears “You are still a fool, mom will decide everything herself.”
We do not have a calm, serene, attentive look of an observer-researcher: what kind of person is my child? What is his character? What is he passionate about? Who does he choose as his friend and why? Last summer, he got up and went to bed with books about insects, disappeared for days on the dacha pond, was ready to talk for hours about rare species of butterflies, but this year he doesn’t even remember them - why? Why did my daughter see herself as an interior designer for five years in a row and suddenly declare that she wants to switch to an economics profile? All these questions can be asked with an anxious and hysterical intonation, or with benevolent curiosity. As if you were asking an unfamiliar, but nice guest from afar: “How do you sow swede there, with or without a peel?”
So, having collected information about this stranger, it will be possible to offer him some kind of diet that is more suitable for his habits and inclinations. Not forgetting that these inclinations and habits can be described descriptively and narratively, or it can be evaluative and categorical.
Compare.
“Our son, in general, is a friendly and caring boy, he has a lot of ideas, he easily finds contact with any person, he never refuses to help. Most of all, he is interested in people and the relationship between them, he is also very passionate in competitions, his eyes are burning and his mouth is up to his ears. It ignites easily, but if something does not work right away, it can quit what it started. He loves to make things with his hands, they are exactly in place with him. He will make an excellent teacher or counselor, or some kind of project inspirer, I don’t know, startups what to do.
"A lazy slob. Hysterical. Doesn't finish anything. In his head he has only parties with girls, the slightest difficulties - and he runs away. Just said hello to a man, and already best friend with no control at all. He loses everything, forgets everything, grabs everything, then throws it halfway. I don’t know what can grow out of it, courier, at best.”
It's about the same person, you know. But you want to be friends, work, deal with a person from the first picture, but not from the second. You see, what a complex topic this is - motivation. You can't ride on a crooked goat. Therefore, I will say this: the next time your precious child brings a deuce from school, and you decide again that “you need to do something,” think about what result you want to achieve. Be honest about what own need you are now trying to satisfy. And realize that the child is a different person. It should get easier.
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Have you ever woke up in the morning and just died thinking about how many tasks you need to do? How many pages do you need to read? Probably yes.
You sat down at your desk and did not want to do literally anything. Believe me, everyone knows this. But there are some tricks in the approach to learning process, which you can use to increase your productivity and increase motivation.
1. Work for the future
Think about what you are studying now? Maybe you have a dream school - college or university. By doing regular homework, you are one step closer to your goal.
Trite, but true: the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step :)
Knowledge - school or university - will be useful to you later in life. Not all, of course, but without specialized skills you will not get into large or foreign universities. And who knows what heights you can achieve by working hard?
2. Seek inspiration
There are thousands of accounts whose main content is educational. If you follow the hashtag on Instagram #studyblr (study + tumblr), then a world of books, inspiration and aesthetic abstracts opens up. Here people share their love for the learning process. Looking through a couple of such publications, you can perfectly tune in to work.
